That Second Chance
by BluEyes
Summary: Chandler and Monica go through some tough spots in their relationship...will they get a second chance?


That Second Chance

Hey people! It's just me, taking a break from studying for my finals cuz I swear, if I study anymore right now my head'll explode. And that'd be kinda icky, so I'm gonna take a break and write. Okay…I actually don't know what to say about this fic…just that it takes place after Chandler and Monica have been married for a few years…other than that I don't think you need to know anything. Oh yeah, I don't own the characters…but you already know that. So, here we go…

Chandler rolled over in the bed, trying to get to sleep, or at least get comfortable. But it was impossible. He could never be completely comfortable in the loneliness of the hotel room, in a cold unfamiliar bed. Though after a week, he'd almost gotten used to it.

Almost.

They hadn't even spoken in a week. A **week**. Seven days. 168 hours. 

Not that things had been going so great before that. They'd been fighting over everything. Any word that the other would say would lead to fighting and yelling, so they had eventually just stopped talking altogether. Most nights, one of them would work late and by the time they got home the other one would be in bed already, So they'd just go to bed, with their backs facing each other and not so much as a word between them.

But Chandler still never fell asleep until he knew for sure that Monica was home. He'd lay with his back facing the door, waiting for her to come in. He wouldn't say anything and wasn't even sure that she knew he was awake, but he honestly couldn't get to sleep until he at least knew that she was at home and safe. And then there were some nights that he'd stay awake, watching her sleep, thinking of how they used to be. Of what they used to have. Of how they were the perfect blend of best friends and lovers. And how much he loved her.

Loves. How much he loves her. He still loved her, even though they hadn't had an actual conversation in months. Even though they hadn't had sex since New Years, and even that had just been because they got too caught up in the moment. And worse yet, he couldn't even remember the last time they had actually kissed or said 'I love you.'

Chandler sighed, twisting his wedding ring around his finger. Was that all that held them together? Two stupid bands of gold on their fingers? Because that had to be the stupidest reason to stay together. Just because.

But it wasn't just because. It was because he still loved her. And if only she knew that…

Tomorrow. Monica had called earlier and left a message telling him to come by and get his stuff tomorrow. Maybe he could tell her then. Maybe he'd get her second chance. Maybe, just maybe, they could work through this.

Chandler once again rolled over, waiting for sleep to take over. Waiting for unconsciousness to take away the pain of the heartache. Waiting for the tranquility found in the peace of night.

But it wouldn't come.

__

Spend all your time waiting 

For that second chance

For that break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh, beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

Chandler lifted his hand to knock on the door, but then he looked up at the number 20 on it, wondering why he was going to knock. He couldn't remember ever knocking before. Even before he'd lived there, before they'd been together, he'd never knocked. It had always been like a home to him, even then, so he never knocked.

And now here he was, knocking.

After a couple of minutes of no answer, Chandler grabbed his keys from his pocket and let himself in, flipping the lights on at the assumption that no one was there. He looked around and saw a note on the kitchen counter, picking it up when he saw his name on it.

__

Chandler,

Sorry, I got called in to work. You can take whatever you want or need. I'll talk to you later.

Monica

Chandler turned the paper over, expecting to find more on the back. But that was it.

And it broke his heart.

They were actually doing that badly. So horribly bad that he only deserved three sentences. And she'd signed it 'Monica.' Just 'Monica.' Not 'Love, Monica.' Just her name. Monica. The name that for so many years, just hearing it would make his heart skip a beat, that just thinking about it would brighten his whole day.

And now it broke his heart.

Chandler just crumpled up the paper and threw it across the room. This couldn't be over, there was no way that it was.

But at the thought that it was seriously over, after so many years, he felt tears threatening, but held them in, going into their bedroom and grabbing a bag from the closet. He started stuffing his clothes into it, then went into the bathroom and grabbed some of his stuff, but didn't take everything. Then it would really be over, and this wasn't over. He would come back, they just needed some more time alone. And he'd talk to Monica, just not tonight.

Taking another look around at the apartment that he still called home, he turned to walk away, afraid that the memories would literally kill him if he didn't walk away right then.

When he walked back into his hotel room, he slammed the door shut behind him, throwing his duffel bag against the wall. He lie down on the bed, pulling out his wallet and taking out a picture of Monica from it. It had just hit him that their marriage was more than likely actually over, that this wasn't just another stupid fight, that this time it was for real. He pulled a pillow to his chest, hugging it against his body. He gently ran his fingers over her picture, knowing that he could never let her go, no matter what she'd say. And if she said that it was over, then he'd never completely get over her, he'd just live forever in the past.

A single tear ran down his cheek as his lack of sleep over the past week finally caught up with him, and he fell asleep. Still hugging the pillow, still clutching Monica's picture.

__

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of this silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

For some reason, night always made Chandler think. Lying in bed, his mind would race and he could never get to sleep. He'd think of her. He'd think of how long it'd been since he'd seen her. 

It'd been almost another week since he'd left. Another week since she'd screamed at him as he slammed the door and walked out.

He'd gone back a couple of times to get another change of clothes, but she hadn't been there. And he'd called earlier that night, but she either wasn't home or had just not answered because she knew it was him. He didn't have the guts to leave a message, and that's not what he wanted. He just wanted to hear her voice, and had even called back a second time to hear it on the recording on the answering machine. But he still hadn't got to speak to her.

He actually hadn't spoken to any of friends in the past couple of weeks, either. Joey had come by his office once to make sure that he was okay, but since Chandler more or less just brushed him off, he hadn't bothered to come back. So, he had no idea how Monica was. No clue if she was fine or if she was as screwed up as he was. And he pretended not to care.

But truth was, he would've given the world just to hear her voice.

He'd get his second chance, he was sure of it. He was sure of the fact that everyone gets a second chance in life, and that this was bound to be his. And she'd definitely take him back.

Chandler made up his mind, deciding that the next day he would definitely go talk to her. He'd go home, and if she wasn't there, he'd stay there until she got home, even if he had to wait for hours.

And with that decided, he rolled over, once again determined to get to sleep.

~*~

The phone rang and Chandler moaned, squinting at the clock. It was 2 in the morning. Who would call at 2 in the morning when no one even knew where he was staying?

"Hello?" he answered, picking up the phone.

"Chandler?"

"Joey?" Chandler asked in surprise. "How'd you get this number…and why are you calling at 2 in the morning?"

"I'm calling at 2 in the morning because your cell phone hasn't been on all night and I just now figured out where you were staying. Do you have any idea how many hotels there are in New York? And all of the receptionists were being really rude, so I was afraid that I had already called where you were staying and that they just wouldn't give me your number, but that's not the point. I'm calling because," he stopped.

"Because…"

"It's Monica."

"What? What happened?"

"Well, um, she's been sick for the past few days, but you know Monica, she just kept insisting that it was nothing, But then tonight Phoebe went over to check on her and…I don't really know, but I guess she was pretty sick, so she took her to the hospital. They said her appendix burst," he paused, trying to stay calm for Chandler's sake.

"Is she-is she gonna be alright?" Chandler asked in a shaky voice.

"Probably, but I honestly don't know," Joey admitted, "Will you come down here? Please? I mean, I know that there's a lot of crap between you two right now, but-"

"Where are you?" Chandler cut him off, and after he answered, he replied, "I'll be right there." Chandler got out of bed and threw on some clothes, hurrying to the hospital as fast as he could.

When he finally ran through the doors, he immediately spotted Joey. "Hey, Joe, where's," he stopped, seeing the look on Joey's face. "What, what happened?"

Joey paused before answering him in a quiet voice, "They tried everything they could, but," his voice cracked, "but the infection spreads so fast, and…"

"No," Chandler said, shrugging away when Joey reached out for him.

"Chandler-"

"No," he repeated, "She's gonna be fine! Just tell me she's gonna be fine!"

"Chandler," Joey said softly, "she didn't make it."

Chandler felt his world fall apart, felt his heart being torn into pieces. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to talk to her later and tell her how much he still loved her and they were supposed to make everything work and it was all supposed to end happily ever after. Not at all like this.

And as his whole world fell apart, Chandler fell hopelessly to his knees.

__

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in

This sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

"Chandler," Joey knocked the door to his apartment. "C'mon, Chandler, open up," he knocked again, "Chandler, I swear to god, if you don't open this door I'll seriously break it down."

Chandler finally unlocked the door and let him in, but didn't say a word. Instead, he just walked silently back to his seat on the couch.

"You can't keep doing this, Chandler," Joey followed him. "We just care about you," he paused, hoping that he'd say something. "You at least need to talk to someone about all this."

Chandler just looked up at him for a few seconds before saying anything. "Well what if the one person I wanna talk to isn't here to hear it."

Joey just looked at him. Seeing him that miserable killed him, "C'mon, Chandler…"

"You want me to talk? Fine, I'll talk. What the hell happened to second chances?"

Joey just stared back at him, not expecting him to say anything like that, and having no clue what to say in response. "Excuse me?"

"Me and Monica…God, we've been so screwed up for so long…and we never got our second chance," he sighed.

"So you had a stupid fight, you left to have a couple of weeks apart."

"But it wasn't just **a** stupid fight! God, we don't live in anywhere near the paradise that you guys think we lived in."

"I'm sorry, but…what?"

"God, you don't even know half of the shit we've been through!" Chandler stood up, walking across the room.

"What? Losing the baby?"

Chandler sighed, "That was only the beginning…but no, you don't know what that's like. To think for nine months that you're gonna be a father…that you're gonna have a kid. And then that day comes, and it's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life," he paused, "But then the worst thing in the world happens and something goes wrong," he turned away.

"Chandler…"

"And anyway, that was just the beginning. At first, it was just little fights…but then it was constant little fights. And then the little fights turned into big fights. And then it was constant big fights. Anything that either one of us said would some how turn into a huge fight," he turned back toward Joey, who noticed that he was crying.

"We had no idea," he whispered.

"And I don't even know what I thought I was accomplishing by leaving! I guess I was just sick of all the yelling and the fighting!" he paused, looking down, "but I never got the chance to tell her that I still loved her."

"She knew, Chandler. Trust me, she knew," Joey stood up, moving to where Chandler was standing.

"But how could she? I mean, we've been so…fucked up for so long that I don't know how she could possibly know that I still loved her!"

"I'm sure she knew."

Chandler wiped his eyes, still not believing him. "You wanna know something that scares the hell out of me? I can't remember the last time that we actually kissed. It's seriously been that long," he paused, looking at Joey, "and we haven't slept together since New Years and that was only because we got caught up in the moment. The next day we went back to the constant fighting," he paused again, speaking in a low voice, "How could she possibly know that I still loved her?" 

Dead silence filled the room as Joey tried to think of what to say. "Because it's you. And her," Joey whispered.

"But, goddamnit, I should've been here! I should've been here if she was sick and I should've done something about it!"

"Chandler, there was nothing you could've done, it wasn't your fault-"

"But I should've been here, Joe!"

"Goddamnit, you're stubborn! She knew that you loved her and goddamnit she loved you!" Joey finally lost patience with him, but quickly got it together. "Hold out you hand," Chandler held out his right hand. "No, your other hand," he held out his left hand. "What do you see/"

"A wedding ring."

Joey looked up at him and smiled, "She loved you and she knew that you loved her," he whispered.

Chandler half forced a smile back, "Thanks, Joe," he whispered.

"No problem, man," he whispered back, hugging him.

~*~

Chandler sat on their bed, staring at the pill bottle in his hand. He could just take them all and he'd leave all this heartache and regret behind. He could just take them all and this would all be over.

But he didn't have the guts.

He finally just threw the bottle across the room, and it hit the wall, the pills falling out and rolling across the floor in different directions.

Wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, Chandler once again saw his wedding ring. In frustration, he took it off and threw it across the room, too, and it hit the wall with a loud clang before hitting the ground and rolling under the closet door. He regretted it a minute later, and went over to the closet, opening the door and getting down on his knees, digging around until he found it.

He picked the gold band up and just stared at it. He sighed, his sight going to Monica's side of the closet. He really wasn't strong enough to handle this. Chandler took one of her shirts off of the hanger and went back over to the bed, smelling it as he lay down. 

He placed his ring back on his finger, staring at a picture of Monica. He finally just buried his face in her pillow, letting himself be enveloped completely in her scent.

He continued to cry silently into her pillow, sobbing until he had no more tears left to cry, praying for something to take him away from there. Away from the heartache and the pain. Away…to Monica.

And he continued to cry until he couldn't help but to give in to sleep…

__

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel 

May you find some comfort there

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

And that's it. The song's "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlan. Yeah, um…I just kinda wrote this cuz this kid at my school died so I started thinking about regrets and stuff and I just really needed a break from studying. So….sorry if it sucked, but please review.


End file.
